The Volume You Put In...

Years ago I went to Golden Bridge, a yoga studio in Los Angeles, to hear H.H. Pujya Swami Chidanand Saraswatiji, aka Muniji speak. He said many thought provoking things (You want peace, but you are all in pieces), but the one moment that stuck with me the most was at the end of the evening when Muniji took a few questions from the audience.

A tired-looking woman stood up. She straightened out her sagging shoulders and asked him what she should do with her son who was always yelling.

Muniji looked at her, paused, and then very gently said:

The volume you put in, is the volume that comes out.

It took a while for his comment to sink in, and when the woman realized that he was putting the responsibility back on her, she wanted to argue with him, but sat down instead.

Now that I am a mother I have compassion for the woman; I can see why she might be turning up the volume, possibly just out of sheer fatigue and frustration. Because I've had a number of years to contemplate Muniji's comment, and to see it in action all around me, I make the effort to stay calm so that I can always speak in a respectful tone to my child.

And when I can't because I'm just too tired, then I give the babe to the hubby for a little while.

Especially because I've noticed it's even more grave than what Muniji predicted. I believe it's:

The volume you put in, is the volume that comes out...tenfold.

Digging for Buggers

I know. I know. I'm still doing it.

If you had told me before I gave birth that I, an intelligent woman who speaks four languages and has a Masters Degree, would develop an obsession with cleaning out her child's nose, I would have laughed and vowed that I would never do such a thing.

But just a few months later, I find myself facing a profound inner struggle as I see my angel's air passages clogging up with the Paris pollution. I tell myself, no, I won't do it. No, I'm just going to leave him alone. The midwife told me that he clears out his nostrils by sneezing.

And then he'll sneeze, but the nose is still stuffed because the culprit is lodged in the front crevice of the opening. I had never known about, nor paid attention to, that huge shelf on the inside of our nostril where a whole lot of bugger could gather and hang out.

So, I made a game out of it. I made silly sounds and silly faces.

That didn't work.

The digging and the wails continued and the worst part was that I couldn't even get them out. They would dry up and cling all the more.

Then a light bulb went off in my dim head. If I couldn't get the hard substance out, then I just needed to soften it. No more digging into my child's dignity (I know, I know...I've said that before). Instead I figured if it is softer, maybe then he can sneeze it out.

I believe there is always a solution; you just have to be creative.

So, I took a cotton swab, dripped a small amount of almond oil on it, explained to the angel what I was going to do, gently inserted the swab into each nostril really controlling myself not to dig (Oh, the challenges of motherhood), did it without bringing forth any tears and then for good measure, I put the swabs into my own nose making sure the angel was watching.

Done. Now we just had to be patient to see what would happen.

Well, I didn't have to wait for long.

A few minutes later, the bub rubbed his face when he was overcome by sleep and to my very pleasant surprise (I never thought I would say that!), there on his upper lip was a very large, round, obstinate-that-makes-parents-into-obsessive-clean-freaks substance.

Success!

Sigh.

Advice for New Parents

My writer friend Kai asked me for some advice, which she is going to put in a book for her friends. This is what came to mind:

1. Your child will always look to you to see how to react to the world, so remember to stay calm.

2. Use “please” and “thank you” when speaking to your child – from the get-go.

3. Behave in the same way you expect your child to behave.

4. Dr. Sears – the famous American pediatrician – warns new parents against becoming desensitized to their child’s cries. Rest so you can be there for him/her.

5. Sleep when your baby sleeps, especially when you are nursing.

6. When your baby gets frustrated by his physical limitations, distract him with laughter.

7. Laughter is always the best medicine.

8. Remain flexible so that you will know when your baby can wait for you to finish whatever it is that you are doing and when you need to drop everything to take care of your child.

9. Always try to give your child two choices (be creative), no one likes to be told what to do. For example, instead of battling about putting on a coat, give her the choice of the red coat or the blue coat.

10. Remember – your child understands everything.

11. Don’t underestimate your child’s intelligence just because he can’t speak.

12. Relax. You will know what to do when the time is right.

13. Trust your intuition

14. Have Fun

15. Listen to your baby. Really listen (don’t just pretend). Your infant is actually talking, even if you don’t understand her language.

16. Crying is actually talking in a high volume to get your attention. How would you feel if you were 100% dependent on another human being for everything (food, potty, comfort)?

17. Don’t worry about a child “manipulating you” in the first six months. How would you feel if you were crying because your teeth are hurting, or you are hungry, or you are in a dirty diaper, or you are cold or hot, or you can’t get your body to do what you want it to do, and no one came to your rescue?

18. When your child is frustrated with his body, try putting him in the position he can’t manage on his own, without him realizing it, by playing.

19. Did I already say, relax and have fun?! Relax and have fun! This is the most wonderful experience in the world. And when your baby laughs…ah, the heart just melts.

Bugger Busting

I have a very calm 5 1/2 month old infant. I can clean out his belly button, dig earwax out of his ears, go excavating for sleep in the corners of his eyes, but when it comes to buggers in the nose...there is no doing it without bringing on wails and tears.

So I figured, just leave the kid alone. I vowed to let his nose self-clean for seven whole days.

I nearly broke down after a few minutes when I saw this:


I almost messed up again a few hours later. And once again, I caught myself in time.

But this morning, 24 hours after I made that vow, I couldn’t help myself any longer. My son’s nose was so full of buggers that I could barely see an air passage in each of his nostrils.

I tried removing the multiple culprits with a well-placed finger. When that didn’t complete the job, I had to resort to a well-placed cotton swab accompanied by wails.

I wasn’t sure he would forgive me, but when I took him in my arms and apologized, he immediately calmed down and curled his head into the crook of my neck.

Thank God for his good nature; I’m not sure I would have forgiven me so easily…