Finding the "Yes"

I always wanted to be the kind of parent that gives my child confidence; I definitely didn't want to be the parent who is always saying "no" and scaring him into behaving.

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Now at almost two years of age, the Little Man has noticed that he can look out into the street much more easily if he climbs up on the window ledge. Even though there is a good-sized railing, my husband and I have implement a new family ground rule: the Little Man is not allowed to stand up without us being there.

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This has caused him some distress because we don't always feel like spotting him. So, periodically, he's turned to see if we were watching, broadened his smile into a Chesire cat grin, and quickly climbed up to a standing.

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In these moments I stay calm (so as not to startle him into a fall), slowly walk over to him, reach for him, put his feet on the ground and gently say, "Honey, one of our ground rules is that you keep your feet on the ground. If you want to climb up and stand, then you ask us to be there with you. If you want to climb on your own anyway, then I will close the window. I know that's frustrating for you, but we want you to be safe. Thank you very much."

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Sometimes he cries as I speak my parenting lines...but I know he always listens because at a later time he'll do something to surprise me in direct response to our "talk".

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A few days ago, I saw him pull himself up by the railing, then slide his feet along the ledge, placing his buttocks as firmly as possible against it. It was an awkward position for him, but he stayed there.

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I was proud of him for finding a compromise that I would not have thought of.

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Now, don't get me wrong, he still tests me from time to time to see if he can bend the "no-standing-on-your-own rule," so I still watch him like a hawk when he climbs on the ledge. In the process though, more than anything, I want to teach him how to do what he wants to do, in the safest way possible.

Walking Alone

My friend, Jai Hari from Los Angeles, wrote this comment and I find it so interesting that, with her permission, I am posting it in the main part of the blog:

I was once in a room where [healer] Guru Dev Singh said that learning to walk is one of the hardest things we will ever do in the human experience & that parents should never put their child into a "walker" or any type of training-wheels-for-learning-to-walk type vehicle during this critical developmental phase.

He said a child who learns to walk on his own without the aid of one of these gadgets is left with immense self esteem & the experience of serious self accomplishment which will serve & motivate him all of his life.

Inspiration

I observe my son. I see how hard he works to try to stand without hanging on to anything; a precursor to walking.

And then I think about how we all learned how to walk (unless we had some serious illness or disability), which in turn reminds me that no matter where we are in our lives right now, how deflated we might feel at times, we did at one time in our lives have enough drive and determination to reach an important goal that took quite a while to get to.

So if we could do it once before, we can do it again.